


i love you, but if we weren't married, i would kick you off the force entirely

by Firerocket123456



Series: Captain Mommy Of The NYPD [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Confrontations, F/M, Family, Glee References, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29441568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firerocket123456/pseuds/Firerocket123456
Summary: Amy confronts Jake about his actions on Valentine's Day after she comes home to see Mac holding Jake's gun, making Amy feel terrified and outraged.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, McClane "Mac" Peralta & Amy Santiago, Ray Holt & Amy Santiago, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta, Ray Holt & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta, Rosa Diaz & McClane "Mac" Peralta
Series: Captain Mommy Of The NYPD [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162583
Kudos: 8





	i love you, but if we weren't married, i would kick you off the force entirely

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy my new Brooklyn Nine-Nine story!!
> 
> This was inspired by Dolston17's 'Anything for Family' Chapter 36 - It Wasn't Loaded.
> 
> I love Dolston17's works, but I'm wanting to know why Dolston17 has deleted the comments that she posted on my works and keeps deleting the comments I post on her works.
> 
> I'm only trying to be supportive and show her how much I love them.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy my other Brooklyn Nine-Nine stories if you haven't seen them already!!
> 
> And if you are a fan of Glee or The Big Bang Theory or both, I hope you'll enjoy the Glee x The Big Bang Theory crossover story I have made called The Mathematical Neighbor!!
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day to all!!
> 
> NINE-NINE!!!

"Freeze!" Mac yelled at Lieutenant Amy Santiago as she entered the apartment after a long day of working at the precinct on Valentine’s Day, one of Jake and Amy’s favorite days of the year. She may be feeling exhausted, but she was very happy to hear her son’s voice as she ran her hands down her police uniform "Don’t move! Drop your weapons and put your hands behind your back so I can take you to Supreme Leader Ren at once!" Mac added, letting Amy know the he was pretending to be a Stormtrooper from the First Order.

Mac loved the Star Wars movies. His favorite movie was Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. He always wished that Star Wars was real instead of being forced to use his imagination. Although, he did learn his lesson when he pretended that the precinct was the control room of Kylo Ren’s shuttle, the processing room was where the Stormtroopers would line up before the ship landed for battle against the Resistance, and (his personal favorite) the interrogation room being where Kylo Ren would torture the prisoners.

Captain Holt let Mac off the hook after that, but informed Amy and Jake that next time wouldn’t be so easy. Even though everyone agreed that Mac has a wonderful imagination and really bonds with the Star Wars franchise, they all knew that they worked at a police precinct, and not on board Kylo Ren’s shuttle.

Otherwise, they could all be dead right about now.

"Okay, okay, my hands are in the air," Amy did as she was told, raising her hands in the air, pretending to feel scared, even though she knew it was all just pretend. "But I have no weapons on me." Amy added, feeling her belt before panicking. She had forgotten to put her gun away, in a place where neither Mac or his younger sister, Santana, couldn’t reach it.

After Mac was born, Jake and Amy knew that he would want a sibling, so they tried again, and eventually, (after failing numerous times), Amy had given birth to a girl and Jake and Amy had decided to name her Santana Naya Santiago-Peralta. They both knew that Charles would feel very happy that they had named that they had named their daughter after a character from Glee, and the actress who played said character, Santana Lopez.

But the two of them both knew that they would never forget the panic on Charles’s face when he came into the briefing room on July 9th 2020, announcing that Naya Rivera was missing after she had gone out boating with her four-year-old son, Josey. After hearing the details of the tragedy that was still taking place, everyone was hoping that for Charles’s sake, and for everyone else who loved Glee, that Naya would be found alive during her search.

But she wasn’t. She was found dead.

On July 13th 2020, 5 days after Naya had gone missing, everyone was busy at work, but all paused and looked over at Charles who gasped in shock, then began to cry tears as he collapsed onto the floor in sadness and despair. Everyone tried everything they could to cheer him up, but it was no use. Charles had to take a whole week off work in order to recover. By the time he came after 7 days of being absent, he had managed to recover a tiny bit, but was still struggling with the fact that Naya’s body had been found on the 7-year anniversary of the death of Cory Monteith, who played Finn Hudson on Glee.

Charles was thrilled and shocked at the same time when Amy had given birth to her and Jake’s daughter on January 12th 2021, which was Naya’s 34th birthday. When he had asked them what her name was, he celebrated at the fact that they had named their newborn baby girl after one of his favorite Glee characters and the actress who played her.

But maybe he should’ve remembered where he was, because he definitely was not the one who woke up all the sleeping newborns, before running out of Amy’s hospital in panic, repeating "Sorry!" over and over again.

Now, Santana Naya Santiago-Peralta was a happy three-year-and-one-month old girl, who was currently being rocked and shushed to sleep by her father, detective Jake Peralta. 

"I said drop your weapons!" Mac yelled in a voice that wasn’t too loud. He didn’t want to wake his baby sister up the second after Jake had put her down to sleep. "Turn around so I can see you put them down!"

"Okay," Amy chuckled slightly as she turned around to face her son with a smile on her face. "I’m dropping my weap-- Aaaaah!"

Amy began to scream. And this wasn’t one of her pretend screams, where she would play along with Mac, and pretend to be frightened. She was really screaming. She was making it very obvious that she wasn’t pretending to be scared, and was absolutely terrified of what she was looking at.

Mac wasn’t holding one of his toy guns, or toy blasters that he liked to use when he would pretend to be a Stormtrooper or a member of the Resistance, or even a cop like Jake and Amy. He was holding Jake’s gun that he put in his bedroom drawer every time he got back from work or after he had picked Mac and Santana up from Karen’s. Amy had kept telling him to put it in a spot where neither Mac or Santana would find it, but Jake always thought that they would never even know where he would put it.

Amy continued to let a scream, that was so shrill, it made Jake walk quickly into the living room of their apartment with a crying Santana beside his hip, making Amy feel guilty with what she had done. She had scared herself and her daughter.

"Amy, what?! What is it?!" Jake asked with a serious look on his face as he bounced their daughter slightly. "Here, take Santana. She wants her mom."

"Mama!" Santana moaned as Amy took her daughter into her arms, gathering her up in her arms, like a baby, rocking her side to side as she let out a soft shushing sound.

"It’s okay, baby." Amy cooed as she pressed kisses to her child’s head, hoping that Santana would calm down ASAP. "It’s okay. Shhh, shhh. I’m sorry I scared you."

Santana calmed down a few minutes later and was put down in her crib by Amy after she had planted one last kiss to her forehead. Amy felt extremely guilty with what she had done. But didn’t feel as guilty with what Jake had done.

"Jake!" Amy snapped as she re-entered the living room with a furious look on her face, making Jake immediately turn around to face his wife in response.

"Amy," Jake chuckled nervously as he rubbed his hands together. "How was work?"

"Never mind work." Amy replied with a straight face, still feeling scared about Mac holding Jake’s pistol. "Why was Mac holding your gun?"

"He caught me practicing John McClane in the bathroom and he wanted to give it a try," Jake explained, informing Amy about how Mac had got his hands on his gun in the first place "So, I let him. And he loved it so much, he..." Jake then paused, not wanting to say what happened next. He could tell Amy wouldn’t be pleased either way.

"He what, Jake?" Amy asked with an angry look on her face, demanding to know what Mac did after he did John McClane in the bathroom.

"He said the famous catchphrase from Die Hard." Jake confessed with his eyes closed, wishing that he hadn’t just told his wife what Mac had said, making Amy furious that he would even allow that.

"You don’t mean--"

"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!" Mac smiled, feeling proud that he had said the catchphrase from his dad’s favorite movie for the second time that day.

"McClane!" Amy shouted back, making Mac and Jake flinch at the tone of Amy’s voice. "You know we’ve told you not to say that. Especially the times when Daddy claims he’s impressed that you like that stupid movie!"

"Which stupid movie?" Jake asked with his face scrunched up slightly. "Die Hard? Die Hard 2? Die Hard With A Vengeance? Live Free Or Die Hard?"

"Jake." Amy warned, wanting Jake to stop naming the Die Hard movies and move back onto the subject they were talking about. She respected the fact that Jake loved Die Hard, since that was the reason, he became a cop. But she wondered why he was so obsessed with them all the time. Sometimes she wondered what it would’ve been like if she’d married Teddy Wells. She was glad she didn’t otherwise she’d be the most boring woman on Earth.

"A Good Day To Die Hard?"

"Jake!"

"I didn’t name all of them. I just had one more." Jake explained as he held up one finger, making Amy fold her arms in response.

"I don’t care!" Amy shrieked with wide eyes, forcing Jake to step back a few feet. "Mac, go to bed. Mommy and Daddy need to have a little talk." She then said to Mac in a much calmer voice.

"I’m sorry I scared you, Mommy." Mac apologized as he threw his arms around Amy, hugging her tightly. "I was just pretending to be a Stormtrooper who was going to capture you and take you to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren of the First Order."

"Oh, that’s okay, sweetie." Amy replied with a smile as she kissed Mac’s cheek. "If we were continuing, I’m sure you would’ve blasted me down for not obeying the orders. Or Ben Solo would’ve killed me by now, too."

"It’s Kylo Ren, Mommy." Mac corrected, making Amy chuckle as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Right. Kylo Ren." Amy giggled as she pressed kisses to Mac’s forehead before he headed off to his bedroom.

"So, now that you’re happy, does that mean I’m off the hook?" Jake asked with a big smile on his face, hoping that Amy wouldn’t stay mad at him anymore, and that the incident could be put in the past.

Amy chuckled with a smirk on her face with her arms folded. "You wish. I’m not done with you yet. We still need to have that talk."

"Right." Jake replied slowly with a worried look on his face, nodding slightly. "The talk."

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Amy yelled with a furious look on her face, her hands moving slightly as she widened her eyes, making Jake feel intimidated.

"I, um..." Jake began but paused for a few seconds.

"Actually," Amy looked around the living room and thought to herself. "This doesn’t feel right. Let’s talk in the bedroom."

"Agreed." Jake whispered in response.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Amy yelled with a furious look on her face, her hands moving slightly as she widened her eyes, making Jake feel intimidated, as she did the exact same movements, she did a few seconds ago, as well as the tone of her voice.

"I, um..." Jake began but paused for a few seconds, thinking that the two of them were on loop.

"Don’t "I, um..." me, mister!" Amy yelled back as she mocked Jake’s nervousness, feeling very unhappy with what Jake had done. "Well?! Talk!" She added in a shouty voice as she clapped her hands, making Jake flinch for the second time that evening.

"Okay, okay," Jake exclaimed as he held his hand out, trying to calm Amy down as she walked over her nightstand and grabbed something big. "Ames, what are you-- Ow! Ames, ow! Stop it, that hurts! Ow! Stop beating me with that book!"

"I will stop once you talk!" Amy yelled in response as she continued to hit Jake with the book that had a very hard cover on it. "I swear my body temperature has risen by so much!"

"Is that why you’re beating me with Fahrenheit 451?" Jake asked as he managed to get a glimpse of the title of the book, making Amy pause and look at the book to see that Jake was indeed correct with what book Amy was beating him with. "You do realize that that book is banned in America, right?"

"Shut up!" Amy shouted with an angry look on her face as she continued hitting Jake with the book. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"You’ve said that three times already!" Jake struggled to say since he was getting hit by a book repeatedly. "Just stop hitting me! Please!"

"I’ll stop hitting you when you talk!" Amy shouted back in rage as she continued getting more and more angry.

"How can I talk when you’re beating me with a book?!" Jake shouted loudly, making Amy flinch as she stepped back a few feet with wide eyes, making Jake breath heavily. "Are you done now?"

"Not yet." Amy confirmed as she took a few steps forward with the same mad look appearing on her face again.

"Oh, great." Jake moaned as Amy continued to hit Jake with the book again.

Three minutes after Jake had been beaten with a book, Amy had finally stopped hitting him after she couldn’t take his begging anymore. She had no choice but to stop. She may have stopped hitting Jake with a book, but she was still extremely mad at him.

"I can’t believe you let our son play with your gun." Amy began as she shook her head slightly, feeling very disappointed with Jake’s actions. “The next thing you’re gonna tell me is that you let our kids have alcohol and take drugs.” Jake remained silent. "Oh, my God! You don’t, do you?!"

"No, Ames! Of course, I don’t!" Jake replied quickly as Amy sighed in relief, actually believing Jake rather than think he was lying. She obviously knew Jake wouldn’t do that, but she did sometimes wonder what Jake really did with the kids while she was at work.

"Why were you even doing John McClane in the bathroom in the first place?" Amy then asked as she sat down on the bed next to Jake, wanting to know why Jake would do something that she never even knew he liked doing. She knew Jake liked writing Die Hard quotes in his emails that he would normally send to everyone, wishing them a happy birthday, (or in Rosa’s case, just birthday), or a merry Christmas, (surprisingly, Rosa actually allowed that on her Christmas emails) or any other special day of the year that everyone loved.

"I was doing John McClane in the bathroom because..." Jake began but paused with his eyes closed, exhaling through his nose as he felt embarrassed with what he was about to say. "Because I like to point my gun at the mirror and say the famous catchphrase that you know I love."

"Then how does Mac know it?"

"He might have walked into the bathroom right before I said it, and he wanted to give it a try." Jake explained, making Amy widen her eyes again.

"So, you just let Mac use your pistol after that?!"

"He actually did a very good impression. I was very impressed. I’m sure Bruce Willis would approve of it, too."

"I don’t care if Bruce Willis would approve of Mac’s impression of John McClane!" Amy screamed as she reached for the book again, only to have Jake grab her arm, pulling her back. "Jake, let go of my arm!"

"No!" Jake disagreed "I am not letting you beat me with that book again. Otherwise, it might catch fire!" He added as he chuckled slightly, hoping Amy would find it amusing. But maybe he should’ve taken Amy’s advice about thinking before speaking.

"You know what, babe?" Amy asked Jake as she put the book down on the table. "After hearing that, I’m not gonna hit you with a book anymore. I am going to tase you!" She then yelled as she rummaged around her belt, trying to find her taser, so she could teach Jake a lesson.

"Looking for this?" Jake asked his wife as he pulled out something that belonged to Amy, making her struggle to get it back.

"Give me back my taser!"

"No! You are not going to tase me!"

"Yes, I am!" Amy yelled back as she tried to grab her taser off of Jake. "Why wouldn’t I?"

"Because I am your husband and you love me!" Jake shouted in response, making Amy freeze as the thought of Jake being tased played in her head. "If you tase me too much, I could die from a cardiac arrest. And, who knows? It might even be on the news. I’m sure everyone at the Nine-Nine would be delighted to read the headline "Wife Kills Her Husband By Tasing Him Until He Dies From A Cardiac Arrest". That’s a title right there!"

"Jake, that’s horrible!" Amy exclaimed with a sad look on her face. "How could you say that?!"

"You made me say it," Jake responded as he moved his hands slightly. "You were the one who threatened to tase me."

"Jake, what you did was wrong," Amy started as she got off the bed and placed her hands on her hips, letting Jake know that she wasn’t kidding at all. "You know very well that you’re supposed to put your gun in a place where Mac and Santana can’t find them. But you just don’t listen."

"I know I should know better.” Jake replied, making himself feel sad for what he had done. "I just wish I’d remembered if I’d checked to see if the gun was loaded before Mac tried to fire it."

"Wait, what?" Amy widened her eyes again. "What did you just say?"

"Don’t worry," Jake held his hands out. "I just remembered. I checked before I took it into the bathroom with me. I obviously wouldn’t shoot the bathroom mirror." He chuckled slightly. "Not on purpose, at least."

"Jake, I am actually relieved that you just said that." Amy admitted as she smiled slightly. "The checking to see if your gun was loaded thing. Not the... you shooting the mirror on purpose thing."

"Ames," Jake began, then paused for a few seconds, wondering what to say next. "I’m sorry. I mean, to me, you’re my boss. You’re a smartass lieutenant, I’m just a dumbass detective."

"Don’t say that," Amy disagreed as she sat back down on the bed and took Jake’s hands into her own. "You are not a dumbass detective. You are the most badass detective I’ve ever known my whole life."

"Really? Even more badass than Rosa?"

"Okay, second most badass detective."

"I’ll take it."

"The point is," Amy began as she leaned a little bit closer to Jake. "You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Basically, we do something stupid every single day and we wish to forget it or hope that the person we hope to never finds out, eventually finds out, and makes us feel bad."

"You moved your head around a lot while saying that," Jake said with a curious look on his face. "Not to mention, not everyone does something stupid every single day. What have you been doing that’s stupid?"

"That doesn’t matter." Amy lied as she smiled awkwardly. "All I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t have allowed Mac to even hold your gun in the first place. Although, him holding it and pretending to be a Stormtrooper got me good.”

"Really?" Jake asked with a chuckle, feeling amused with what his wife had just admitted. "It really scared you? Even though Mac was just pretending?"

"Yep." Amy confirmed with wide eyes as she nodded her head with a smile. "It made me really think I was about to be captured by the First Order, even though I was actually terrified at the sight of our son holding something that could’ve killed him if it was loaded. And I’m very proud of you for checking to see if it was loaded or not. That was very smart of you."

"Thanks, babe." Jake made a smile appear on his face, making Amy smile in response.

"I think you’re an awesome detective." Amy said kindly as she made her smile even bigger. “And an awesome father.”

"Thanks, babe." Jake replied as he made the smile on his face even bigger. "I think you’re an amazing Lieutenant. And an awesome mother. Mac and Santana are gonna love their Captain Mommy of the NYPD."

"You really think so?" Amy asked Jake, finding the words he had just said very heart-warming.

"Yeah, of course.” Jake confirmed with a nod. "They’re always telling me how much they love Lieutenant Mommy and really want her to become Captain Mommy as soon as she passes the captain’s exam on the first try."

"Aww! That’s so sweet!" Amy cooed as she smiled with a laugh. "I never knew that until now. Why haven’t they told me yet?"

"They were gonna tell you the day you pass the captain’s exam and become Captain of the Nine-Nine, taking Captain Holt’s position, and leading us all." Jake explained as he told Amy how their kids had planned it out. "I was gonna let them tell you, but I thought I should tell you now, so you don’t have too much to cope with when you pass the captain’s exam."

"Jake," Amy giggled slightly as she leaned in closer for a kiss. "I love you, but if we weren’t married, I would kick you off the force entirely."

"Noted." Jake understood, making him wonder what it would be like if he had married Sophia Perez, and what it would’ve been like if Amy had married Teddy Wells. He would definitely still be friends with Amy, but wouldn’t like the fact that she would be the most boring woman in America. "I love you, too."

"I know." Amy replied with a smile on her face. "And since you told me what you do in the bathroom, I feel like I should tell you what I do in the bathroom."

"I’m all ears." Jake announced, not wanting to miss a second of what Amy was about to say.

"I, um..." Amy began but paused so she could try and remember what she was about to say.

"Don’t mock me." Jake teased, making the two of them laugh and slap their legs slightly.

"Very funny, babe." Amy responded with a chuckle. "As I was saying, I stole Captain Holt’s hat last week. By accident, of course."

"Did you just walk into his office when he wasn’t in there and take his hat, hoping that he wouldn’t notice?" Jake asked, knowing that Amy was lying about taking Captain Holt’s hat by mistake, as he knew she took it on purpose.

"Yes." Amy confirmed, making Jake shake his head slightly. “And I’ve been practicing the morning briefings I would normally do, when I do become captain, in front of the bathroom mirror.” She then admitted, making Jake snicker a tiny bit. "I always end it with “Dismissed” and a salute."

"Why the salute?" Jake asked as he scrunched his face up slightly.

"I don’t know, it just feels right." Amy answered back, making Jake nod in agreement, fully understanding with what she meant by that. "Anyway, I’ve felt guilty ever since. It’s been 7 days since then. I’ll return it tomorrow and explain everything."

"I wonder how he’s going to take the news that you’re the one who stole his hat." Jake said in response, making Amy wonder how Holt would take the news.

"I’m sure he’ll understand." Amy raised her eyebrows. "Hopefully he’ll change his tune this time."

Jake was about to say something in response, but before he could, Amy’s phone began to ring, so she decided to answer it.

"Hello?" Amy began as she spoke into the phone, wondering if there was anyone on the other side, instead of it being one of those phone calls where no one replies. "Oh, hello... Oh. Right. I see. Okay, thank you. Yep. I understand. I’m on my way. Bye."

"That was quick. Who was that?" Jake asked, feeling curious to know who Amy had spoken to on the phone for just a few seconds. But judging by the look on her face, he could tell it wasn’t good.

"That was Captain Holt." Amy replied with a face of disappointment. "He wants me to drive over to his house and return his hat."

"Aww! Sorry, Ames." Jake apologized, feeling bad that his wife’s Valentine’s Day had been ruined by her having to drive to return something to Captain Holt that was rightfully his, and would someday, be in the hands of Amy. "Has he punished you?"

"No." Amy replied as she got up off the bed and headed to get her car keys after retrieving the hat that she had stolen from the drawer on her bedside table.

"Are you lying, babe?" Jake added with a raised eyebrow, making Amy have no choice but to tell the truth.

"Okay, yes." Amy confessed, feeling annoyed with herself for lying. “I’ve been suspended from work tomorrow. Which doesn’t really bother me, since I can spend the day with our babies, and prepare for the captain’s exam. Captain Holt said he would’ve made my punishment more serious, if he didn’t know how much I aspired to be him.”

"So, he’s OK with it?" Jake questioned with a straight face, wondering what Amy was going to reply with.

"No, he wasn’t." Amy answered back as Jake nodded his head in response, completely understanding with how Captain Holt felt about Amy stealing his hat. "The punishment he’s given me is suspension for 24 hours and to pay for his dry cleaning."

"Yeah, that’s understandable." Jake replied as Amy exhaled through her nose. "Okay, have fun, babe."

"I will." Amy responded as she walked back over to Jake to give him one last kiss on the lips before heading over to Captain Holt’s house. "You are amazing. I don’t know how you do it."

"You are amazing. I don’t know how you do it." title of your sex tape." Jake teased, making Amy chuckle as he felt proud of himself.

"Very funny, babe." Amy smiled as she zipped her winter coat up. "See you later."

"See you, Ames." Jake called back as Amy went down the hall and headed for the front door. "Happy Valentine’s Day!"

"Happy Valentine’s Day, Pineapples!"

"Ames!"

"Sorry, Jake! I couldn’t resist!"

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed my new Brooklyn Nine-Nine story!! Please feel free to leave Kudos and comment anything you want!! This was inspired by Dolston17's 'Anything for Family' Chapter 36 - It Wasn't Loaded. I love Dolston17's works, but I'm wanting to know why Dolston17 has deleted the comments that she posted on my works and keeps deleting the comments I post on her works. I'm only trying to be supportive and show her how much I love them. I hope you'll enjoy my other Brooklyn Nine-Nine stories if you haven't seen them already!! And if you are a fan of Glee or The Big Bang Theory or both, I hope you'll enjoy the Glee x The Big Bang Theory crossover story I have made called The Mathematical Neighbor!! Happy Valentine's Day to all!! NINE-NINE!!!


End file.
